I am hearing more and more of husbands who are not tending well to their wives' hearts. This occurs in the form of "using" their wives for ministry ends and business ends and family ends.
Some church planters and pastors will wield their wives like instruments in building the ministry or furthering the cause.
Some husbands will use up their wives for the cause of a "well-run family" or a "well-ordered home."
Gentlemen, are you doing this? Are you spending your wife to gain a ministry? That is marital suicide. Your primary ministry is to your wife.
Are you spending your wife to gain your children? That is a lose-lose enterprise, because you will lose your wife's heart and still not gain your children's (because they will see how you treat their mama).
The best thing you can do for your ministry and your kids is love your wife gently, tenderly, honorably, affectionately, wisely, romantically, and -- above all - Christly.
9 comments:
I think I understand what you're trying to say, but can you give practical examples of what you mean?
The practical examples were left out on purpose (so nobody could say, "Oh, well, that's not me, so..." and fail to self-reflect), but I can offer a couple:
a) The planter/pastor who employs his wife as his secretary/webmaster/administrator/etc. and turns her into an extension of his personal ministry building efforts instead of treating her like his wife.
b) The husband/dad who expects his wife to keep all domestic duties maintained while also homeschooling the kids and running errands and volunteering at church, etc. while offering little to no help.
In both cases, I suspect, the wife has become a servant of her husband's idol, whether that's ministry success or an ideal home.
The warning signs of these things are increasing fatigue in a wife, emotional "breakdowns," a feeling of reaching burnout, a constant harried look and voice.
Thanks. I get why you omitted examples. I was having a dim moment when I first read the post, I guess. =)
b) The husband/dad who expects his wife to keep all domestic duties maintained while also homeschooling the kids and running errands and volunteering at church, etc. while offering little to no help.
This could be true of any husband/wife regardless of career/vocation. I find that I have to be careful not to fall into this category for Beau since I juggle a lot of things as the breadwinner and owner of a small business on the side.
Word Verification: factski
Funny.
Jen, if it doesn't apply -- and Beau is not your wife anyway -- it doesn't apply.
What I don't want husbands to do is read what I listed as the practical application and go, "Well, we do that, but she's fine."
Husbands should never assume their wife is fine. They should discern if she truly is. And they should ask, but they should ask in such a way that it is clear things will change if she is not fine, not in such a way that she knows saying she's fine is what's expected.
It would stink to be a pastor who never had their prayers answered or "unhindered"...
1 Peter 3:7
I know you're speaking to husbands in ministry. But I do think that wives should be careful as well. I think that too often we disrespect our husbands as easily as husbands fail to love their wives.
But I guess that's another blog post for another day. =)
ouch!
A wife should respect her husband enough to set boundaries for his good, and therefore make a stronger man of him. Likewise, parents set boundaries for the children because they love them. As a former teacher I learned that a majority of people are strong willed. It is us compliant people who have to work at setting boundaries.
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